Sometimes I think that Lewis Carol was not on drugs. He was merely trying to escape actuality. And really, who could blame him? We live in a world where kids get shot on the street, where it is okay to go to war, to do drugs and to hurt other people.

Alice's adventure in Wunderland are crazy. She meets fascinating characters and possibly loses her mind along the way. This is not necessarily a bad thing. Who is to know what a sane mind is anyway? Certainly not me. I was the "new girl" who sits on the side and watches as people live their lives. The creepy girl who smiles when you talk to her, but either says too much or nothing at all. The one who always wore black in a desperate attempt to blend in, when no one was looking anyway.

You know the one.

Insanity is another drop dripping on the slow suicide that is life. Reality is so over-rated.

I'm not that girl anymore. A few friends go a long way, it seems. Now I am the out-going Alice. The one who is friends with everyone, flighty and hopping around to different groups, never having time for her real friends. The Alice who is onstage, or the Alice who gets attention from guys. Not the bad kind, either.

They are different, my Alices. So different, it makes me wonder how my brain could change so much over the course of a year.

I sound like I have split-personality syndrome. I don't.
Then again, maybe I do. It would be quite "romantic", I think, to have a mental illness. In a way. But thinking again, I know it isn't. I look at my family and our problems from mental illness.

I just feel the need to be special. Always have. Always will. I imagine myself doing amazing things that make people look at me and say, "wow, I did not see that in her.". The kind of attention that I do not get.

As quiet Alice.
As melodramatic, out-going Alice.

Out Going Alice talks too much. She says things that are not necessarily true, and speaks for the sake of hearing her own voice.
Quiet Alice scares people with her silence, and her strange way of watching everything without imput.

Suddenly being a hormonal teenager is horrible.